Sarah Tan – Personal Development

Anger and it’s ugly brother violence, are the worst of human negative emotions. Frustration is often taken out on the family, partners, or colleagues of the angry person - and obviosuly this has a very negative effect upon that area of their life. But can people who are cursed by their inability to curb their temper do anything about their nature?

Anger can be compared to any destructive or self harming act, first of all the person needs to accept and acknowledge that they have a problem. The next stage is to firmly commit to making a change and to ask for help from a legitimate source. Anger management programs will give you a varied amount of tecnhiques to control anger and bring the angry feelings to a more common way of emotional expression.

Now all of this good work can be reinforced with the use of a subliminal anger control CD. Beyond the frequency of your hearing this relaxing music contains positive messages. The angry mind and heart absorb the life affirming, anger managing communications without any conscious effort. Someone with anger tendencies should play the album whenever he first feels the anger rising inside, or a more proactive, positive and mature approach is to simply play the album several times each day - this will keep the anger at bay at first, and eventually remove the anger problem alltogether - a very natural and simple cure to a serious problem.

Most of what we feel is first felt in our unconscious mind, all of the information coming at us is too much and we are not even fully aware of the emotions which drive us half of the time, but it will require a great amount of conscious effort to break even some of our simple personal habits which are holding us back.

Anger comes from deep within us and will often emerge from our inner self with frightening speed. This powerful adversary needs an effective unconscious counter to really stop it in its tracks to really stop it once and for all. Subliminal mp3s won’t work on their own but when combined with a true and sincere desire to change, then they will can make all of the difference between effective anger management and your anger unleashed.

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10 Tips To Help You Start Taking Control with Positive Thinking.

At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Positive thinking will help people with ADD to better concentrate on their accomplishments and strengths, giving them more motivation and joy in life. It will help in better using your time to work on making progress, rather than feeling discouraged and helpless. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns :

1. Take Good Care of Yourself

When you take good care of yourself by eating healthy, exercising and getting adequate rest, it is much easier to be positive.

2. Make a List of the Things You are Grateful for in Life

When you take the time to remember some of the things that are good in your life, then stress from the challenges you face are not as difficult. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Don’t give in to ’making assumptions’, but instead discipline your mind to look for proof or actual facts.

A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. For instance, if you are worried or fearful that someone is in a bad mood because of something you did, or that people are secretly gossiping behind your back about you, then you should ask them if it is true or not. Don’t waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes

Have you ever told a partner “You’re ALWAYS late” or complained to a friend “You NEVER call me”. Thinking and speaking in absolutes like “always” and “never”, makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Get Rid of ALL Negative Thoughts that cause Anxiety

Our thoughts determine the way we live and therefore you need to discern them and discipline yourself to overcome negative thinking. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, recognize it for what it really is and don’t follow it.

6. Squash the “ANTs”

In his book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” Dr. Daniel Amen talks about “ANTs” – Automatic Negative Thoughts.

These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like “Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me” or “The boss wants to see me, it must be bad”! When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Begin to show your family and friends positive physical contact with a hug, smile, pat on the back or welcoming handshake.

You don’t have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Showing positive physical contact with your family and friends and even your pets, is a great ’feel good’ interaction, one that we all need in life. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. Her tips were noticeably higher from the ones she touched, then from the customers she did not touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity

Loneliness feeds on negative thinking and one way to combat it, is by increasing social activity in your life. Find people you can be with that are happy and positive in their outlook on life, then you will notice how very contagious that sort of thinking can be.

9. Be Involved with Helping Other People or Volunteer in an Organization

Once you help other people that are hurting, you will also help yourself, because you will feel good inside knowing you helped to make a positive difference in someone’s life. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. You may have heard it said, ’Give and it shall be given’, this is a true saying and the more positive energy you put in the world, the more you will get back.

10. Have a New Thought Pattern to Fight Against Depressing Thoughts.

A great way to stop thinking unconstructive thoughts is to interrupt the pattern by forcing yourself to begin thinking and doing something completely different. Begin to change your old thinking patterns of focusing on the negative. That way of thinking is never productive, but only leads to stress and unnecessary anxiety. Try changing your physical environment – go for a walk or sit outside. Or, you could call a friend, turn on some music or look at a magazine.

Find sayings, scripture verses or quotes that will help motivate you to remain positive in your thinking, the following are some of my favorites: Oprah Winfrey – “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” “Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours” – A Swedish Proverb

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Saw Jeanette’s blog about Top Ten Great Pleasures on things that make you happy, and I came up with a list. I did my own list when I gave a writing assignment some time ago, but I’ll type them out here. I got greedy and came up with 30 things.

1. Seeing a beautiful rainbow in the urban area. (just saw one recently and everyone was crowding to see it)

2. Buying new books. (my job allows me to buy hundreds of books, so I also love the process of choosing them!)

3. Receiving magazines I like in the mail. (love 8 Days for the latest TV show synopsis and gossips, Time and Economist for their current affairs, and Fortune for money)

4. Reaching home on time to catch my favourite drama serials. (I’m a TV addict.)

5. Chatting on the phone with my husband. (Sometimes we chat for an hour before I go to bed)

6. Finishing an entire drama series within 3 days. (TV junkie alert – Desperate Housewives, Jumong, The Legend, and this year alone)

7. Surfing the net. (Especially excited when I check out the deals, and the tips and everything else)

8. Reading a book lying down. (Bad for eyesight, but I love reading)

9. Getting the resident stray cat’s attention. (I’m a closet Cat Lady. Only I don’t feed them. I like to tease the cats by making some sounds, and it’s cute when they turn their heads to look at me.)

10. Getting great response from the people I work with. (Sometimes I have great ideas, and I try them out at work, and they enjoy the sessions.)

11. Laughing at jokes. (Some of my friends are very interesting people.)

12. Helping my friends analyse and visualize their dates. (I get so excited doing this.)

13. Eating cheesecake, warm chocolate cake or chocolate soufflé. (Yum, yum.)

14. Seeing my face or my article in the newspapers. (twice this year already. The next I want to see is my own book published. And lots more!)

15. Seeing my favourite car – Daihatsu Copen. (even if it’s not a good idea to own it)

16. Working out at the gym. (get to exercise)

17. Chatting with my brother and coming up with funny and cool suggestions. (too bad we seldom see each other even though we live in the same house)

18. Watching people’s pets on the Internet. (I used to sit in front of the computer and watch people’s pets on webcam. I don’t own any pets, so I compensate by looking at others’. Plus I even made a video about a friend’s Schnauzer playing.)

19. Reading my favourite blogs. (Quite a lot of favourite blogs such as Beverly, Karen Cheng, Valska, Jeanette among many others)

20. Listening, playing or doing something with music. (I want to write music. Maybe when I get my own work studio when my new house is ready. I’m a lazy singer who only sings once a week at my teacher’s place)

21. Travelling to beautiful places by aeroplane. (I like taking the plane, since I was a kid.)

22. Listening to waves lazing at the beach. (been to Bintan, Redang, Tioman, Hua Hin and Sibu, resorts in Malaysia, Indonesia and Thailand)

23. Having a massage. (lots of money spent on these.)

24. Discovering something interesting or new. (From internet, or my books. Love self-improvement books)

25. Getting room service at the hotel. (Coz I don’t have to tidy up. And I like eating in the room, plus I like having food delivered to my doorstep. I like staying at good hotels)

26. Checking my bank accounts, investments and other streams of income. (I love money! And having money to spend!)

27. Chasing celebrities from different fields from Asia. (My favourite is Ryu Si Won, Korean actor, I even appeared in some Korean entertainment show because I went to his fan club gathering. And another thou shalt not be named Asian Champion in some sports.)

28. Getting flowers from my husband! (When he has time, he will get them for me from the nursery.)

29. Getting a parking lot in a crowded place. (How can I forget this? 95% of the time I get the lots I want quickly and near to the place I’m heading.)

30. Working on my blogs. (I love blogging. Check out my main blogs at Singapore Profit, Wedding-Breeze and a few others.)

Tell me about your great pleasures, and leave a trackback to your blog! What makes you happy? What are the little things in life that cheer you up?

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Wake up early and prepare for 2 solid hours before you start the day’s work. I heard this from two different people, John Di Lemme (a motivational speaker) and Marc Yu’s mother (Marc is a child prodigy in piano) this week, and I think it’s a great idea. I wake up early, but I spent my time on reading newspapers, eating breakfast and showering, so by the time I get to work, I arrive on the dot, and head straight into work without preparation.

John said that he would not speak to people or answer questions if he did not have the time to prepare. Each presentation or coaching session that he does comes from time spent on researching, rehearsal and preparation. He also uses the time to put himself mentally into the right frame of mind. Hence, he has pushed away engagements that require him to speak at 8am, because he cannot wake up early enough to prepare. In addition, he does not like to speak on the spot to somebody, because he feels that the time spent on preparation is very important, so that the people can fully learn from what he has to say.

Marc Yu is a child prodigy who receives homeschooling. He learns about history of music and other topics that children his age have no interest in. Science, mathematics are some other subjects he learns, so his mother needs to spend time to go through the topics for the day, and to fully prepare in anticipation of the inquisitive questions that he will ask. If she doesn’t spend the two hours to read up, then it will be wasted time for the boy. She will also use the time to plan how the lessons for the day develop.

From these two people’s experience, I realise that I have been jumping right into the day’s work without sufficient preparation. Sometimes, I meet with my clients right at the start of the work day. On other occasions, I have one or two hours to prepare before I see them. There is a difference. When I do not have time to prepare, I am able to produce a presentation on the spot, but the standard is not good enough. When I have time to prepare, I have time to read more in-depth, ask more thought-provoking questions, and engage them better. I am also in the mental mood to go through the day. This is especially important as I tend to wake up with low energy and enthusiasm. Regarding this, I’m taking steps to overcome that. Before I can do that, I must make sure that my standards do not suffer.

Some people think that they can just rely on what they have been doing for the past few years to take them through. However, there is new information in the world everyday, and it takes time to digest. If we do not set aside time to reflect, to think through the day’s events, then ultimately, our work suffers.

Since not everyone is a morning person, perhaps you can find a time that suits you. If you are able to plan your time in the office, perhaps you can schedule meetings with people later in the morning, or in the afternoon, so that you have enough time in the morning to go through your ideas, your pitches and other important things before you meet your co-workers or clients.

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Many donkey years ago, George Lam, a famous moustached singer, appeared in an advertisement for Guinness Stout. He said, ‘Some people tell you to change yourself to suit the environment’, then followed by, ‘Why not change the environment to suit yourself’ and he went on to turn the picture upside down to display a glass of stout.

I never gave much thought about that. Many people feel upset with their job and they keep on complaining, but they do not take any action to make things better. While we cannot expect to keep our bad habits and still survive in the working environment, sometimes it may be just easier to change the environment. There is only so much you can change about yourself within a short period of time. It’s just like being a square peg in a round hole. It is really hard to fit in.

Before changing to a new company, I was rather miserable in my previous workplace last year, and I became very negative and demoralised. I thought I was in the wrong vocation totally. However, after making a change to a new workplace, not exactly by choice, I realised that I had been the square peg for the longest time. Despite having to put in longer hours, not that the hours were short at my previous company, I had a greater sense of achievement.

True, it may be too early to tell, but at least I’m happier. That was the same I felt when I went to my previous workplace for the first time. I was utterly miserable at my first workplace, and I had even thought of breaking my bond. It turned out that the environments had simply been not suitable for me.

I made this realisation when I realised that the people in my company were more artistic and cultured. Every time I went for lunch at the cafeteria, there were always people playing the piano. Some were young, but they played the piano extremely well. That’s the type of environment I want to be in. With the Law of Attraction, I’m able to find people who are more like me, and I also start to focus more on the positive side. I do not like to be in a place where basic discipline in the people was lacking.

Because of the new environment, I found myself returning to the piano. I had spent twenty years on the piano, but unfortunately, I have little achievement to boast of. Those talented people simply played extremely demanding pieces on the piano by heart. I dug out my old music books, and started playing over the weekend.

That simply reminded me of my days in my secondary school, where I could play on one of the many pianos that were available for students to play. I liked this type of environment, and I strongly feel that with culture, the world will be a better place.

So, why not change your environment instead of constantly complaining about the current place? Sometimes, it’s not the vocation that’s wrong; it’s simply the environment. It’s also no wonder why Menscius’ mother moved his house three times just to let her son grow up in the best environment.

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I borrowed a DVD today after a gym workout, and it was Just My Luck. It was about Lindsay Lohan having great luck in everything she did. The moment she stepped out of her building lobby, the rain stopped and the cab stopped right for her. She managed to get into an empty lift and get picked up by a rich man’s son. Next, she even got a job promotion after solving a major crisis.

One thing that struck me was that she had so much positivity. The Law of Attraction worked really well for her, so she did not believe that she was lucky. She just got what she wanted because she carried positive thoughts.

Now, the problem came when she kissed a guy who had the worst luck in the world. Their luck switched and she immediately got arrested, lost her job and broke her nose while in detention. He got a chance of his lifetime to get a new British band discovered by a music mogul.

About this guy, despite having bad luck for most part of his life, he did not blame himself. He still looked on the bright side of things, and was well prepared to solve any possible problems, such as keeping a poncho instead of an umbrella because he knew it would become a lightning rod with all the strong wind instead.

Even when Lohan was stuck in a janitor type job and had to scrape bubblegum and unclog the toilets, she learnt from mistakes quickly and did her best in everything.

Of course, this is a show, and anyone who is down on his or her luck will not be able to smile like her. But what was interesting was that when you keep getting something you want, even better things will come. In addition, what can go wrong will go wrong. You choose to keep a virtuous cycle as compared to being stuck in a vicious cycle.

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Do you know why employees at Google get to swim, play basketball, work out at the gym or play any other games while they are still at work? The swimming pool and basketball court is actually inside the Google Complex. Do you know why you are always feeling tired and bored of life? It all boils down to a simple maxim: exercise brings about a radiant life.

If you are already exercising, you are on track to lead a great life. If not, you can always get started. There are ten rituals expounded in The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. These ten rituals, which include reading, meditating, listening to music, speaking and so on, are some simple tasks that promise to transform your life. One of them is to exercise.

Exercise helps to train your body, and when you body is fit, you are able to train your mind too. It helps you to feel refresh and rejuvenated, instead of tired and lousy. At the same time, when people exercise, it helps them to focus better. They can become more creative. Because of exercising and of course other reasons, the Google employees are constantly creating new things and improving on their present products.

While not all of us are in tip top condition now, some form of exercise is definitely necessary. I’m glad to say I have an exercise plan which I am committed to, and this took me quite some time before it really took off. I am certainly very glad that I am now very eager to exercise. In the beginning, I accompanied my mother to yoga classes. As I had learnt ballet when I was young, it was quite easy for me to learn the poses. Unfortunately, I was unable to continue with it due to time and location. Classes were held in town, and I usually could not afford the time to go down.

However, I had a target last year and that was to look good for my ROM, I started working out in the gym at my workplace. With a clear focus in mind, I felt my pants were not as tight as before and I was glad with the results.

After discovering that exercise actually helped me feel refreshed and happier, I decided to search for a proper gym. At the same time, I felt that I wanted to mix yoga and pilates with cardio-exercises. A convenient location was extremely important. I found one that was midway between my workplace and my home, so I could work into my schedule to go to the gym at least 3 times a week.

It has been almost six months since I had started with my gym, and I’m glad to say I have managed to work this into my routine. It has become a habit to go to the gym, and I am glad that I am able to stick with this.

Therefore, if you wish to bring positive change to your life, start with some simple exercises. You do not need to jog if you hate it. Yoga is beneficial and depending on your fitness level, there are many types of yoga that you can consider that caters to your needs. When you have become fitter, you can start to explore other types of exercises, just to make your exercise regime more varied and interesting.

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Visualisation is a very successful tool that helps us to be successful. Think of how big your light-blue three-storey semi-detached future house with full length windows on the second and third storeys is. The garden has a small pond with koi swimming inside and it is surrounded by many pink flowers. Butterflies are flying and your pet puppy is running around the garden chasing its tail.

As you remove your shoes and walk into the house, the floor is made of marble and abstract art paintings are hanging on the wall. The 42-inch plasma TV is nicely placed on the sideboard and you have cable TV connected. As you go to your room, up the stairs with timber covering, you see the light shining in from the small window.

When you enter your bedroom, you see a king-sized bed waiting for you. The luscious 500-thread count purple bed sheets are extremely soft on your skin as you relax on the huge bed. From your bed, you switch on the music using a remote control and your favourite tune comes on through the Bose speakers at the corner of your bedroom.

If your idea of success is to own a big house, don’t just think of a big house. The words will mean nothing. To successfully use the method of visualisation, put in detailed information. If you can pictures from magazines, cut them out and paste them onto a big piece of paper and put it up your wall. It will serve to remind you. When this is done, you will be more inclined to work towards your goals.

If your idea of success is to look good, think of how you can look good. Do you need to learn how to put makeup? Do you want to wear clothes from certain brands? Picture yourself wearing a black-coloured pantsuit with red fine lines. Think of how actresses smile and cut out beautiful pictures of them. If you want to look as good as them and are thinking of nose surgery, you could try Photoshop to make your nose sharper, just like Jennifer Anniston, and see whether you like the results. Perhaps varying the way you put makeup would suffice. This is much better than constantly whining about how ugly you look and not taking any action.

Whatever your picture of success is, take time out to think through it by using the power of visualisation to help you reach your goals.

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